I'm sorry if you've missed my daily (or not so daily) updates. I'll try to do them at least a little more frequently.
Third clinic visit was last Tuesday. I answered the questions, and generally told them that I have been feeling like my base level mood has been better.
Nurse asked me when the last time I felt not depressed was. I told her it was for a while when I was on prozac...before the apathy set in and I didn't really feel anything unless I felt it in a huge way. RL thought it would be cute to share with me that people ask her all the time how she can work with depressed people all day, and that she tells them "they aren't always depressed, they get better." Instead of making me feel better it made me feel the fact that I'm one of those depressed people.
The week leading up to third clinic visit I did feel like my general mood was lifted a bit. It was for the days following the visit as well. Friday was sooo good. I got off work early, I went to a party, I had a great time, met some new people, had good conversation...I felt great. Until Saturday night. I don't know why. Maybe it was a few rude customers, maybe it was just the end of a tiring week, but Saturday night my mood crashed. Today has been rough.
Nurse has upped my dosage to 20mg of Lexapro a day. For some reason she gave me my samples in a different package than the previous times. Since I have to take two of them now (2 10mg pills= 20mg a day) plus my birth control it's easier to get them sorted at the beginning of the week into one of those day of the week pill box things. Well I was doing that a few minutes ago and noticed that the package she gave me has the contact information for some society or association with the term "mental illness" in its name. Seeing that stung. made me remember stutter man, weepy waiting room girl, and sobbing woman. I'm in a catagory with them. My medication just told me so.
I think tomorrow when I go for my 4th clinic visit I'll have to circle a different answer under the question about my feelings of self worth.
weight: 192
depression symptoms: feeling "blue", lack of motivation, trouble concentrating, easily irritated, feeling that I am worth less than my peers
possible medication side effects: sedation
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