Pretending to be really happy all day is not so much great for my depression. I didn't think about that when I was looking for a job. It's exhausting. But it's easy to do. It's easy to pretend that everything is great, life is great, and slap on a big smile. Doing it as part of a job makes it easier to do it as part of everyday life.
So if you saw me today you would have thought I was quite happy, and to be honest, I couldn't tell you that I felt otherwise. Because I turn off my emotions when I put on that happy face. Everything gets surface level, scripted, automatic. It's why I make such a damn good customer service person. I'm a fantastic actress.
Maybe the Lexapro (or, more likely, Lexapro + other med) will make it so I don't have to throw up the happy facade. Maybe one day I'll walk into work and be conversational with clients because I feel conversational. Maybe I'll greet them with enthusiasm because I am enthusiastic, not because it's in my job description.
So no mental/emotional report today. Cause at work was all fake, and right now is the after work crash.
I did have some nausea today, made it hard to do my tasting menu at training.
And I'm currently exhausted.
weight: 193
depression symptoms: faking it.
possible medication side effects: nausea, exhaustion
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