I guess I haven't told you guys how my clinic visits have changed since I got randomized and put in phase 2 of this study.
Well, I have had 3 of them so far, and they've gone about the same way:
1. Fill out forms I filled out for phase 1, plus a whole new set of forms that ask some different questions and have me rate different things (different side effects, mood effects, pain levels, etc.).
2. Sit with Research Assistant (been seeing Research Guy lately for some reason) and they ask me the same set of questions as from Phase 1, plus a whole new set of questions about different side effects (like the twitching....weeeee!).
3. Sit with RN to talk about how I am doing on the medicine and tell them about any side effects I am having as well.
4. Have my blood pressure/pulse rate taken and step on the scale for a nice dose of weight loss motivation.
I also had another EKG at my 2nd clinic visit, but they said I won't have to have another one of those til right before Phase 3.
So I had one of these visits today, and basically they want me to keep doing what I am doing and just see how it goes. twitching is getting less intense, but dizziness is still pretty intense for a few hours, so hopefully they both go away. SOON.
I'm still waking up at 8:30...which is fun. Also, last night I lay down for a nap at about 4:30, set my alarm for 6....and woke up at 1:30am. yup. also fun.
Beginning to wonder if all this crap is worth it (even though I haven't felt depressed in like 2 weeks). I'll give it a few more weeks to see if things even out.
weight: 201 (*sigh*)
depression symptoms: a little bit irritable with people...
possible medication side effects: twitching, dizziness, blurry vision, erratic sleep patterns
Showing posts with label side effects. Show all posts
Showing posts with label side effects. Show all posts
Monday, January 12, 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Dizziness.
Dizziness so severe that I had to leave work early. It's been pretty consistent the past week or so, but seeming to get worse.
Called RL. Stopping mystery drug for 2 days to see if symptoms clear up. If they do, then I restart the drug in two days and see if they come back. If they come back, we know for sure it's mystery drug causing them. If not...who the hell knows.
*sigh* trading depression for severe dizziness. good stuff.
Called RL. Stopping mystery drug for 2 days to see if symptoms clear up. If they do, then I restart the drug in two days and see if they come back. If they come back, we know for sure it's mystery drug causing them. If not...who the hell knows.
*sigh* trading depression for severe dizziness. good stuff.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Clinic Visit #4/ Day 28 (Lexapro)
I always find it interesting how people ask sensitive questions. One of the things they ask me during my clinic visits while asking about different side effects I could experience is if I am still as interested in sex as usual. Which is kind of awkward, for obvious reasons. RL just does in nonchalantly, one in a string of side effect questions which also include gas and belching. I like that about her. For as personable as she is outside the question asking, the questions are just a list, I just give answers, and we move on. I like it. makes it not awkward if I have to tell her that yes, I did have some gas this week, and I am indeed as interested in sex as I usually am.
The male nurse (saw him yesterday instead of lady nurse for some reason) is not so good at this. He asks me all his questions, how I'm feeling, how my irritation is, blah blah blah, don't be discouraged that you are back to feeling like you did in the beginning...and then he lays this on me "oh, i guess one thing I should ask you is if you are as interested in sex as usual." *awkward pause as he looks at me and not his clipboard of note* "um, yeah."
I like how RL does it a LOT better. lol
Both RL and male nurse gave me a talk about not getting discouraged because the medicine isn't working as well as they like it to at this point. This is week 5 of the study, which means come clinic visit #5 I will be half way done with Part 1. RL reminded me that if the Lexapro doesn't work then there is a second part.
I know this, but it is nice to be encouraged, and especially to be told that it seems that RL's patients are all either (like me) not really responding to the medicine right now, or they are feeling better than they have ever felt. So I guess that makes me feel more normal.
Alright, off to shower, take my pills, and go to work! Another day on 20mg of Lexapro.
weight: 192
depression symptoms: feeling "blue", lack of motivation, trouble concentrating, easily irritated, feeling that I am worth less than my peers
possible medication side effects: gas
The male nurse (saw him yesterday instead of lady nurse for some reason) is not so good at this. He asks me all his questions, how I'm feeling, how my irritation is, blah blah blah, don't be discouraged that you are back to feeling like you did in the beginning...and then he lays this on me "oh, i guess one thing I should ask you is if you are as interested in sex as usual." *awkward pause as he looks at me and not his clipboard of note* "um, yeah."
I like how RL does it a LOT better. lol
Both RL and male nurse gave me a talk about not getting discouraged because the medicine isn't working as well as they like it to at this point. This is week 5 of the study, which means come clinic visit #5 I will be half way done with Part 1. RL reminded me that if the Lexapro doesn't work then there is a second part.
I know this, but it is nice to be encouraged, and especially to be told that it seems that RL's patients are all either (like me) not really responding to the medicine right now, or they are feeling better than they have ever felt. So I guess that makes me feel more normal.
Alright, off to shower, take my pills, and go to work! Another day on 20mg of Lexapro.
weight: 192
depression symptoms: feeling "blue", lack of motivation, trouble concentrating, easily irritated, feeling that I am worth less than my peers
possible medication side effects: gas
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Days 9 & 10 (Lexapro)
Blaaaaaaaaaah.
This is how I feel.
This is how I have felt the last two days.
I want my work schedule.
I want my roommate to stop ragging me about my dog when I put up with her dog 12 of ever 24 hours and she only puts up with mine 1 or 2. When I have cleaned up more of her dogs messes than I will ever ask her to clean up of mine.
I want to stop spending all day on the computer and in front of the tv because I don't feel like finding anything else to do.
I want it to be tomorrow already because I will get to see my sister and hang out with my friends and my family and generally try to have a great weekend.
Still feeling really "sedated."
No nausea to speak of, which is a pleasant change.
Just wish there were more pleasant changes.
weight: 193
depression symptoms: feeling "blue", lack of motivation, trouble concentrating, easily irritated
possible medication side effects: sedation
This is how I feel.
This is how I have felt the last two days.
I want my work schedule.
I want my roommate to stop ragging me about my dog when I put up with her dog 12 of ever 24 hours and she only puts up with mine 1 or 2. When I have cleaned up more of her dogs messes than I will ever ask her to clean up of mine.
I want to stop spending all day on the computer and in front of the tv because I don't feel like finding anything else to do.
I want it to be tomorrow already because I will get to see my sister and hang out with my friends and my family and generally try to have a great weekend.
Still feeling really "sedated."
No nausea to speak of, which is a pleasant change.
Just wish there were more pleasant changes.
weight: 193
depression symptoms: feeling "blue", lack of motivation, trouble concentrating, easily irritated
possible medication side effects: sedation
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Clinic Visit #1/ Day 8 (Lexapro)
Today was the first of my weekly clinic visits. I will be going in every week (apparently every Tuesday if my schedule stays the same), to fill out a questionnaire, answer a research tech's (aka "research lady") questions, answer questions for a nurse (not sure how consistent the nurse is going to be, so I shall put off giving them a code name for now), get my meds for the week and go.
Research Lady (hereafter known as RL) had the day off today, so I got to see Research Dude. "Dude" because he looked like a surfer dude and seemed more nervous about asking me the questions than I was about answering them. Or maybe he wasn't so much nervous as putting on a great display of what spending 4 years of undergrad and 2 of grad school (maybe more?) in a lab with other science nerds does to your social skills. But that is besides the point.
I found out today that I am a white 1inch 3-ring binder. There is a tab for each week of this part of the study. Behind each tab is where all my answers to the questions week to week will be recorded. Research dude said that if I get through this part of the study I get a bigger binder. Lord knows how big my binder will be if I make it to part 3 of the study.
But Research Dude (RD) assured me that they use recycled paper, so I guess I don't have to worry about the impact this study has on my carbon footprint just yet. ;-)
I got to find all this out because apparently I answer questions more quickly than RD expected, and had a bunch of time to kill before the Nurse was ready to see me. So we chatted akwardly for bit, he sent me out to the waiting room again, and then brought me back in to chat awkardly for another 5 minutes before the nurse finally came and got me.
Apparently the Lexapro isn't helping as much (or at all really) as they like to see in the first week, so Nurse asked me if I wanted to go from my 10mg to a higher dose. However, she recommended since I am experiencing nausea and exhaustaion (a side effect they call "sedation" lol...both of which should taper off the longer I take the drug) to wait a week and then raise the dose so as to prevent having further side effects. So that is what I am doing.
The worst part of the whole process is coming into the clinic and leaving. It's located in one part of a big medical complex, and the suite it is in is clearly marked "psyciatric services" right across from the reception desk for the "breast health" center. So the ladies who see breast cancer patients all day watch me walk into the "psychiatric services" suite, as do any business suited guys who happen to be walking down the hall from some other part of the building. So I enter the waiting room, which may or may not have a variety of people in various stages of distress in it. I tell the receptionist I'm here for a research appointment, whe validates my parking ticket, and I am sent back to a different, more tiny, waiting room. Last week I got to hear a girl have a half whispered breakdown while her mother tried to comfort her.
After the whole process is over I take the walk to the patient exit. All of the questions I have been asked replay in my mind, and I start thinking about why I am there, why I'm depressed, and what it has done to me. Part of me feels like I don't belong here, with the sobbing and the sedated, while another part of me knows all too well that I need this. It starts welling up, and I get to fight with it all the way home to regain some kind of "normal."
God, I hope that part gets better.
weight: 193
depression symptoms: feeling "blue", lack of motivation, trouble concentrating
possible medication side effects: nausea, sedation
Research Lady (hereafter known as RL) had the day off today, so I got to see Research Dude. "Dude" because he looked like a surfer dude and seemed more nervous about asking me the questions than I was about answering them. Or maybe he wasn't so much nervous as putting on a great display of what spending 4 years of undergrad and 2 of grad school (maybe more?) in a lab with other science nerds does to your social skills. But that is besides the point.
I found out today that I am a white 1inch 3-ring binder. There is a tab for each week of this part of the study. Behind each tab is where all my answers to the questions week to week will be recorded. Research dude said that if I get through this part of the study I get a bigger binder. Lord knows how big my binder will be if I make it to part 3 of the study.
But Research Dude (RD) assured me that they use recycled paper, so I guess I don't have to worry about the impact this study has on my carbon footprint just yet. ;-)I got to find all this out because apparently I answer questions more quickly than RD expected, and had a bunch of time to kill before the Nurse was ready to see me. So we chatted akwardly for bit, he sent me out to the waiting room again, and then brought me back in to chat awkardly for another 5 minutes before the nurse finally came and got me.
Apparently the Lexapro isn't helping as much (or at all really) as they like to see in the first week, so Nurse asked me if I wanted to go from my 10mg to a higher dose. However, she recommended since I am experiencing nausea and exhaustaion (a side effect they call "sedation" lol...both of which should taper off the longer I take the drug) to wait a week and then raise the dose so as to prevent having further side effects. So that is what I am doing.
The worst part of the whole process is coming into the clinic and leaving. It's located in one part of a big medical complex, and the suite it is in is clearly marked "psyciatric services" right across from the reception desk for the "breast health" center. So the ladies who see breast cancer patients all day watch me walk into the "psychiatric services" suite, as do any business suited guys who happen to be walking down the hall from some other part of the building. So I enter the waiting room, which may or may not have a variety of people in various stages of distress in it. I tell the receptionist I'm here for a research appointment, whe validates my parking ticket, and I am sent back to a different, more tiny, waiting room. Last week I got to hear a girl have a half whispered breakdown while her mother tried to comfort her.
After the whole process is over I take the walk to the patient exit. All of the questions I have been asked replay in my mind, and I start thinking about why I am there, why I'm depressed, and what it has done to me. Part of me feels like I don't belong here, with the sobbing and the sedated, while another part of me knows all too well that I need this. It starts welling up, and I get to fight with it all the way home to regain some kind of "normal."
God, I hope that part gets better.
weight: 193
depression symptoms: feeling "blue", lack of motivation, trouble concentrating
possible medication side effects: nausea, sedation
Monday, September 29, 2008
Day 7 (Lexapro)
Stayed home all day today. It took me all day to do laundry. Because I'd put in a load...forget about it...remember it...not want to go downstairs and change it...finally decide to change the load...repeat.
This was after I slept for like 12 hours. ridiculous.
Hoping the medicine and a steady work schedule will eventually help even out my sleep habits and get me into some kind of motivational rhythm.
The nausea is definitely lessening. Still get little twinges of it, but overall it has stopped making me avoid eating normally. so that's good.
Have a clinic visit tomorrow. Will make sure to tell them about the nausea, the tiredness, and the food chewing thing.
I need to go out and take pictures, or start a painting, or something. anything. I need to get out of this tvwatchinginternetsurfing funk. I need to create. To bring myself out of myself. We'll see if I can.
weight: 193
depression symptoms: feeling "blue", lack of motivation
possible medication side effects: nausea, exhaustion
This was after I slept for like 12 hours. ridiculous.
Hoping the medicine and a steady work schedule will eventually help even out my sleep habits and get me into some kind of motivational rhythm.
The nausea is definitely lessening. Still get little twinges of it, but overall it has stopped making me avoid eating normally. so that's good.
Have a clinic visit tomorrow. Will make sure to tell them about the nausea, the tiredness, and the food chewing thing.
I need to go out and take pictures, or start a painting, or something. anything. I need to get out of this tvwatchinginternetsurfing funk. I need to create. To bring myself out of myself. We'll see if I can.
weight: 193
depression symptoms: feeling "blue", lack of motivation
possible medication side effects: nausea, exhaustion
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Days 4, 5 & 6 (Lexapro)
For days 4 and 5 you can pretty much "ditto" day 3. Fake happy at work, exhausted when I hit home, and a little nausea thrown in.
Day 5 was a little different because after my last day of training, hockey and alcohol were involved. Went to a hockey game with my best friend and her boy, and got to watch a lot of fights, and my team one. So that was pretty great. Then we met my cousin & her hubby at a pub and had some drinks and good conversation.
A quote from me from last night: "I'm a really cheap date on an SSRI!"
Apparently another side effect of Lexapro is that it greatly increases the effects of alcohol. After two drinks I felt as drunk as the times I've had about 6 drinks. so that was in interesting discovery. Will have to be more aware of how much I drink, and when, where, and who I drink it with.
Today has been a really lazy day. Sitting around in my pajamas, watchin nip/tuck with my BF and her boy, and loving on my puppy dog.
I just feel lonely.
Not because I am alone. Not because the people I am with don't involve me or don't care about me. Because that is definitely not the case.
Maybe isolated would be a better term. Isolated in my own feelings. Isolated in my own mind.
Isolated because I'm tired of hurting and being hurt.
It's why I cling to what I know, because at least I know how that feels. I know what to expect.
weight: 193
depression symptoms: faking it, feeling isolated, feeling "blue", easily irritated
possible medication side effects: nausea, exhaustion, low alcohol tolerance
Day 5 was a little different because after my last day of training, hockey and alcohol were involved. Went to a hockey game with my best friend and her boy, and got to watch a lot of fights, and my team one. So that was pretty great. Then we met my cousin & her hubby at a pub and had some drinks and good conversation.
A quote from me from last night: "I'm a really cheap date on an SSRI!"
Apparently another side effect of Lexapro is that it greatly increases the effects of alcohol. After two drinks I felt as drunk as the times I've had about 6 drinks. so that was in interesting discovery. Will have to be more aware of how much I drink, and when, where, and who I drink it with.
Today has been a really lazy day. Sitting around in my pajamas, watchin nip/tuck with my BF and her boy, and loving on my puppy dog.
I just feel lonely.
Not because I am alone. Not because the people I am with don't involve me or don't care about me. Because that is definitely not the case.
Maybe isolated would be a better term. Isolated in my own feelings. Isolated in my own mind.
Isolated because I'm tired of hurting and being hurt.
It's why I cling to what I know, because at least I know how that feels. I know what to expect.
weight: 193
depression symptoms: faking it, feeling isolated, feeling "blue", easily irritated
possible medication side effects: nausea, exhaustion, low alcohol tolerance
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Day 2 (Lexapro)
I realized today that there was one thing they asked me that I didn't answer completely truthfully. They asked if there was anything that I had the urge to do all the time, or a certain number of times (like wash my hands, lock the doors, etc.). It's not something I have to do a certain number of times, but I do have to make sure that I chew food evenly on both sides of my mouth. If I don't, it makes me feel weird. And I have to clean out my teeth until both sides feel even again. So I don't really know if that's something they were talking about...but I may tell them that next week just to make sure. They asked me a lot of questions that sounded like they relate to schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, so I think they are trying to see if people who are diagnosed with depression and don't respond well to SSRI's may have underlying symptoms of those disorders (which the medication they are actually testing is currently used to treat).
Aside from that realization, nothing that interesting to report. Just a pretty average day (as far as what my average has been the last 2 years).
Had some nausea today, but definitely not as severe as yesterday. I may try to take the pill with something to eat or some milk tomorrow to see if that helps. I think it's weird that it lasts all day though. Starting a couple hours after I take the Lexapro, and I still feel a bit of it now. but like I said, not nearly as bad as it was yesterday.
Also still feeling really tired. Tried to go to bed early (11ish) last night, but couldn't fall asleep til about 2am. May be because of the candy we bought yesterday? Maybe just insomnia, since I get it every once in a while. But I got up at 8 to go to orientation for my new job. Got out around 10:30, came back and tried to nap. Maintenance came by to do our apartment inspection around 11, so I didn't actually get to nap til about 12, and ended up sleeping til 1:30. Feeling pretty tired now. Will try to sleep after I write this, but I'm afraid I'll have insomnia again. Like my body is tired but my mind is wide awake. Maybe just all the excitement of starting a new job and starting this study.
weight: 193
depression symptoms: feeling "blue", lack of motivation, abnormally tired, insomnia
possible medication side effects: nausea, exhaustion, insomnia
Aside from that realization, nothing that interesting to report. Just a pretty average day (as far as what my average has been the last 2 years).
Had some nausea today, but definitely not as severe as yesterday. I may try to take the pill with something to eat or some milk tomorrow to see if that helps. I think it's weird that it lasts all day though. Starting a couple hours after I take the Lexapro, and I still feel a bit of it now. but like I said, not nearly as bad as it was yesterday.
Also still feeling really tired. Tried to go to bed early (11ish) last night, but couldn't fall asleep til about 2am. May be because of the candy we bought yesterday? Maybe just insomnia, since I get it every once in a while. But I got up at 8 to go to orientation for my new job. Got out around 10:30, came back and tried to nap. Maintenance came by to do our apartment inspection around 11, so I didn't actually get to nap til about 12, and ended up sleeping til 1:30. Feeling pretty tired now. Will try to sleep after I write this, but I'm afraid I'll have insomnia again. Like my body is tired but my mind is wide awake. Maybe just all the excitement of starting a new job and starting this study.
weight: 193
depression symptoms: feeling "blue", lack of motivation, abnormally tired, insomnia
possible medication side effects: nausea, exhaustion, insomnia
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Day 1 (Lexapro)
Took my first Lexapro today. Not stupid enough to expect any results emotionally or mentally the first day. It'll probably take about a week before I get any of that starting. However, side effects can start showing today. Let's hope I don't end up like this guy:
So today I was a pretty average depression day. Didn't get overly sad about anything in particular, just a down feeling, a feeling that if I let myself I could get overwhelmed by sadness for no reason at all. So I tried not to dwell, tried to distract myself with games and tv and whatnot. Just tried to live like I have been the past couple of years.
Easily irritated. Got really frustrated with my mother for not being able to find a photo online after I gave her the order of links to click to find it. Also annoyed that one of my roommates needed me to take her dog out. I don't know why, as it's not a big deal at all. It just annoyed me. yeah, so easilly irritated it is. But that's is how it's been for a long time now, so I know it's part of the depression and not a medication side effect.
I've been nauseous most of the day. no vomiting or anything, just a nauseous feeling. I didn't eat much at dinner because of it. Also had some GI problems. So that could all be medicine related, or could be somethinig I ate yesterday. We'll see.
Also have been really sleepy. Got 8 hours of sleep last night...but was really tired around 2...so I ended up napping until 4. Then I was still tired. Pretty tired now, so after I finish this post I'll go to bed.
weight: 193
depression symptoms: feeling "blue", easily irritated, lack of motivation, abnormally tired
possible medication side effects: nausea, diarhea, exhaustion
So today I was a pretty average depression day. Didn't get overly sad about anything in particular, just a down feeling, a feeling that if I let myself I could get overwhelmed by sadness for no reason at all. So I tried not to dwell, tried to distract myself with games and tv and whatnot. Just tried to live like I have been the past couple of years.
Easily irritated. Got really frustrated with my mother for not being able to find a photo online after I gave her the order of links to click to find it. Also annoyed that one of my roommates needed me to take her dog out. I don't know why, as it's not a big deal at all. It just annoyed me. yeah, so easilly irritated it is. But that's is how it's been for a long time now, so I know it's part of the depression and not a medication side effect.
I've been nauseous most of the day. no vomiting or anything, just a nauseous feeling. I didn't eat much at dinner because of it. Also had some GI problems. So that could all be medicine related, or could be somethinig I ate yesterday. We'll see.
Also have been really sleepy. Got 8 hours of sleep last night...but was really tired around 2...so I ended up napping until 4. Then I was still tired. Pretty tired now, so after I finish this post I'll go to bed.
weight: 193
depression symptoms: feeling "blue", easily irritated, lack of motivation, abnormally tired
possible medication side effects: nausea, diarhea, exhaustion
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