almost exactly 2 hours after I took the pill, the twitching stopped.
dizziness has returned a bit, but it's much better than the twitching.
*sigh*
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
withdrawl part 2
Been on and off the phone with RL since major twitches/general feeling like crappiness started.
She just called me back with male nurse to give me a game plan.
Just took 1 dose of "mystery pill" (although I feel like it's not such a mystery anymore).
Going to pay close attention to myself for the next couple of hours to see if twitches end/lessen and if dizziness or anything else returns.
Take another dose tomorrow (so 1 a day instead of 2 a day basically).
Call them back on Friday.
what a way to ring in the new year.
will probably be back with more later today.
She just called me back with male nurse to give me a game plan.
Just took 1 dose of "mystery pill" (although I feel like it's not such a mystery anymore).
Going to pay close attention to myself for the next couple of hours to see if twitches end/lessen and if dizziness or anything else returns.
Take another dose tomorrow (so 1 a day instead of 2 a day basically).
Call them back on Friday.
what a way to ring in the new year.
will probably be back with more later today.
Withdrawl?!? wtf!?
This is me. twitching uncontrollably. feeling like utter shit. nauseous. twitching. freaking out. hot and cold at the same time.
Keep in mind that I am trying to sit completely still during that entire video.
I'm gonna go ahead and guess that I wasn't on placebo.
either that, or something else is going majorly wrong with me about 27 hours since taking my last mystery pill.
this. sucks. big. time.
Dizziness.
Dizziness so severe that I had to leave work early. It's been pretty consistent the past week or so, but seeming to get worse.
Called RL. Stopping mystery drug for 2 days to see if symptoms clear up. If they do, then I restart the drug in two days and see if they come back. If they come back, we know for sure it's mystery drug causing them. If not...who the hell knows.
*sigh* trading depression for severe dizziness. good stuff.
Called RL. Stopping mystery drug for 2 days to see if symptoms clear up. If they do, then I restart the drug in two days and see if they come back. If they come back, we know for sure it's mystery drug causing them. If not...who the hell knows.
*sigh* trading depression for severe dizziness. good stuff.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Mystery Pill Miracle?
If this is placebo, then I guess I'm a big fat placebo effect sucker.
This week has been pretty phenomenal. I went to Mississippi for Christmas (which I normally hate) and actually had a pretty good time. Was interested in helping some little cousins "learn" how to crouchet. Got a sewing machine for Christmas and have been interested in learning how to follow patterns/sewing directions and have made two bags already. Went shopping a couple of times, and actually found the schedule to fill out the paperwork to sign my puppy up for obedience classes (which I got a gift certificate for). And I have been feeling happy. geniuinely happy. or I guess "medicinally induced" happy.
I've had some sinus stuff going on, so it's been hard to gauge weather or not I have had side effects. So pressure between my eyes, blurry vision, tiredness, headache, etc, could be side effects of the medicine, or could be par for the course of winter sinus ridiculousness.
Jitteryness and easy bruising definitely have nothing to do with the sinus stuff though.
So I guess I just report all this junk to RL tomorrow (is my appointment tomorrow? must check) and see what she thinks.
So Christmas miracle? or Mystery Pill miracle?
I guess we'll see.
This week has been pretty phenomenal. I went to Mississippi for Christmas (which I normally hate) and actually had a pretty good time. Was interested in helping some little cousins "learn" how to crouchet. Got a sewing machine for Christmas and have been interested in learning how to follow patterns/sewing directions and have made two bags already. Went shopping a couple of times, and actually found the schedule to fill out the paperwork to sign my puppy up for obedience classes (which I got a gift certificate for). And I have been feeling happy. geniuinely happy. or I guess "medicinally induced" happy.
I've had some sinus stuff going on, so it's been hard to gauge weather or not I have had side effects. So pressure between my eyes, blurry vision, tiredness, headache, etc, could be side effects of the medicine, or could be par for the course of winter sinus ridiculousness.
Jitteryness and easy bruising definitely have nothing to do with the sinus stuff though.
So I guess I just report all this junk to RL tomorrow (is my appointment tomorrow? must check) and see what she thinks.
So Christmas miracle? or Mystery Pill miracle?
I guess we'll see.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
I'm Randomized!!
So it happened Wednesday. I got randomized! I am now officially on a drug that in all reality I don't know what the little plastic capsules contain. It could either be placebo, or it could be Ziprasidone (aka Geodon). I'm hope hope hoping that it's the real stuff, and that it is magical.
But I'm also trying to remain skeptical about it being the real stuff, in hopes that being somewhat skeptical will reduce the placebo effect? It makes sense in my head, which is where this stuff is supposed to be working, so that's a start, right?
My cousin asked me over lunch today how they measure if it's working. "Is it subjective?" I kind of looked at her funny and said "well, I suppose it is, because depression is pretty subjective anyways, isn't it? There's really not a way to measure it." So I told her about the questionnaires and such that I fill out every week. yes, subjective. but depression is feeling. it's not a number on a scale, or a count of something in my blood. It's not a "positive" or "negative" on a strip dipped in urine. It's how I feel minute to minute, day to day, week to week. But it's still real.
Speaking of blood and urine...getting randomized means somebody had to check that stuff out to make sure there wasn't something physical causing depression symptoms. I'm not exactly sure what kind of physical stuff does cause depressions symptoms, but whatever it is I guess I don't have it. I got to have an EKG and lab work done to prove it.
I also got to have the most.awkward.physical.ever. There are three nurse practitioners that I see, one each week just depending on whose schedule fits when I am scheduled to come in. Two of them are women, who are nice and professional about everything, though not as nice as RL. Then there is guy nurse. The awkward one I talked about in my last post. (yeah, I know it's been forever since I posted. I got apathetic. I got to where I just felt the same all the time and didn't feel like writing anything. so there.) well, as luck would have it, HE's the one who administered my physical. lol. I wasn't awkward in that omgyouaretryingtomolestme kind of way, but in that okayseriouslyiknowyouarenottryingtomolestmequitovercompensating kind of way. "I'm going to touch your face now." "I'm going to check your lyph nodes" etc. Plus I hadn't shaved my legs for a couple of weeks, so I was a wee bit embarassed about that anyways.
But as far as I know I got a clean bill of health. huzzah. also, I am not pregnant. which I am sure is a relief for all of us, seeing as another immaculate conception would be kind of awkward.
So now I feel like an old person, in that I need a pill keeper with a "morning" and "night" compartment for each day of the week so I can remember to take all these damn pills. Right now the count is as follows:
1 birth control pill whenever
2 10mg lexapro pills whenever
2 10mg mystery pills one in the morning and one at night
The other day I missed a day of birth control so I had to take 2 at once. I popped 5 pills into my mouth at one time. yeah. I'm pro.
weight: 196 (hey, holidays happened, and I'm 193.5 on the doctor scale, so that's the one that counts, right?)
depression symptoms: feeling "blue", lack of motivation, trouble concentrating, lack of energy, uninterested in activities and people
possible medication side effects: dunno yet
But I'm also trying to remain skeptical about it being the real stuff, in hopes that being somewhat skeptical will reduce the placebo effect? It makes sense in my head, which is where this stuff is supposed to be working, so that's a start, right?
My cousin asked me over lunch today how they measure if it's working. "Is it subjective?" I kind of looked at her funny and said "well, I suppose it is, because depression is pretty subjective anyways, isn't it? There's really not a way to measure it." So I told her about the questionnaires and such that I fill out every week. yes, subjective. but depression is feeling. it's not a number on a scale, or a count of something in my blood. It's not a "positive" or "negative" on a strip dipped in urine. It's how I feel minute to minute, day to day, week to week. But it's still real.
Speaking of blood and urine...getting randomized means somebody had to check that stuff out to make sure there wasn't something physical causing depression symptoms. I'm not exactly sure what kind of physical stuff does cause depressions symptoms, but whatever it is I guess I don't have it. I got to have an EKG and lab work done to prove it.
I also got to have the most.awkward.physical.ever. There are three nurse practitioners that I see, one each week just depending on whose schedule fits when I am scheduled to come in. Two of them are women, who are nice and professional about everything, though not as nice as RL. Then there is guy nurse. The awkward one I talked about in my last post. (yeah, I know it's been forever since I posted. I got apathetic. I got to where I just felt the same all the time and didn't feel like writing anything. so there.) well, as luck would have it, HE's the one who administered my physical. lol. I wasn't awkward in that omgyouaretryingtomolestme kind of way, but in that okayseriouslyiknowyouarenottryingtomolestmequitovercompensating kind of way. "I'm going to touch your face now." "I'm going to check your lyph nodes" etc. Plus I hadn't shaved my legs for a couple of weeks, so I was a wee bit embarassed about that anyways.
But as far as I know I got a clean bill of health. huzzah. also, I am not pregnant. which I am sure is a relief for all of us, seeing as another immaculate conception would be kind of awkward.
So now I feel like an old person, in that I need a pill keeper with a "morning" and "night" compartment for each day of the week so I can remember to take all these damn pills. Right now the count is as follows:
1 birth control pill whenever
2 10mg lexapro pills whenever
2 10mg mystery pills one in the morning and one at night
The other day I missed a day of birth control so I had to take 2 at once. I popped 5 pills into my mouth at one time. yeah. I'm pro.
weight: 196 (hey, holidays happened, and I'm 193.5 on the doctor scale, so that's the one that counts, right?)
depression symptoms: feeling "blue", lack of motivation, trouble concentrating, lack of energy, uninterested in activities and people
possible medication side effects: dunno yet
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